Aleeza is a passionate speaker and regular contributor to and Yated Ne’eman.
She works with clients from around the world, as well as, trains future dating coaches.
As serious and focused as you are to find the right one, sometimes the best way to recognize that person is while you two are relaxing and laughing together.
Help bring a smile to someone’s face and feel some good endorphins, and both of you are more likely to enjoy the moment.
I would love to hear move advice about long distance dating. Sometimes if you are dating someone it might turn into a long distance situation.
In my experience, I have found that long distance dating tends to fail because of the high pressure involved. And that needs to be judged on a case by case basis.
And as we all know, the eyes are the window to the soul..through a video camera. You should test out your camera to confirm it’s working beforehand.
If you find yourself in a long-distance relationship, make patience your new friend.
The exception to this is if you’re speaking late at night because you live in different time zones.
In that case, you’ll have to get creative to avoid the bewitching hour. The stress and pressure of dating in general, and especially long distance, is a burden.
But if you work all day, then go to the gym, eat dinner, maybe visit with friends or go to a lecture and then go home, you’re likely not your best self for a phone chat by then.
It’s better you skip speaking and catch up tomorrow than try to push through and force a conversation.
You might think checking on the other call only takes a “second,” but in reality it’s half a minute of nothingness for your date. I had a client once tell me that the man she was dating refused to speak to her after 10 PM because she was more irritable at that time and they often ended up having disagreements.
While people may be polite and say, “Sure, no problem, you can take it,” they don’t really mean it. What they want to hear when that call waiting beeps in is you saying, “I don’t pick up call waiting when I’m on with you.” Ahhh…doesn’t that feel great? He found that when they spoke earlier in the day or evening their conversation and connection was fine.
And make sure your camera is at a good angle so you look “normal.” (It sounds obvious but getting the right angle is often not so easy.) And don’t forget to check your lighting. Don’t say, “I’ll call you later,” or, “We’ll find a time to talk.” Set a specific day and time for your virtual date.
If your date is the one treating the relationship casually, try to communicate to them that you would prefer they set up a specific time to call you.
Expenses (time off work, plane fares etc) prevent the daters from going ahead for another date unless they feel super sure. But anyone ho goes looking for a long distance relationship is a fool. It's having met someone, then went your separate ways and kept in touch.
But if you're a bit pareve, the decision tends to be to drop the shidduch. I actually met someone nice when I was a thousand miles from home on vacation. Nearly always, calling it a relationship is one sided.