The world is full of men who aren’t gay, aren’t into drag, and aren’t into full-blown cross-dressing but who are turned on by the idea of wearing the girlfriend’s panties and/or a little lingerie.A lot of these men are with women who barely tolerate their kinks.And you can’t fault him for failing to read your mind.Close by telling him that you’d be open to dating—a real, noncasual relationship—if things don’t work out with this other girl. Some women can’t take hormonal birth control, and your husband is married to one. I was thinking about changing my mind and taking the relationship to the next level. He came over, we had sex, and then he mentioned he had met someone else.I was watching a porno featuring a hot gay threesome. As he was beginning to elaborate, I told him to leave. If he had told me this before we had sex, Dan, I would have been able to have a constructive conversation about this.
A couple of questions: do I reach out to him again? And you assumed that when you did get around to letting him know, he would be delighted.I think there are two things holding me back: (1) I’ve never even heard of this fantasy, and that makes me feel like a creep. (2) I know the first time I will giggle with joy and I’m afraid that will be a big buzzkill if my hypothetical future boyfriend thinks I’m laughing at him.1.There isn’t a name for this fantasy, LWAM, so let’s come up with one. Frank-N-Furter, a noted research scientist who also enjoyed dressing straight boys up in fishnets, teddies, and heels.There’s oral (his and hers), anal (ditto), and mutual masturbation (underrated). It was safe for the bottom—provided that overtaxed condom didn’t burst (here’s hoping they were using a more spacious, more durable female condom)—but it wasn’t safe for the tops. The first time I slept with him, he told me that he was interested in a relationship, and I told him that I wanted to keep things purely casual.But if it’s vaginal intercourse he wants, then he’ll have to get used to condoms. Jamming two dicks into a single condom could result in dick-to-dick transmission of a number of sexually transmitted infections: herpes, HPV, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, et cetera. Over the next month and a half of talking to him, hanging out, and having sex, I started to really like him.Or was he willing to pass on this other girl if you were ready for a relationship (which would make tossing him out before he could elaborate a mistake)? You were starting to fall for him, you hoped he felt the same, and you were disappointed.But since he was only doing what you asked—keeping it casual—you can’t fault him for keeping his options open, looking around, dating other girls, et cetera.Keeping things “purely casual” with you meant he was free to pursue a relationship with someone else.I can’t help but wonder what he was about to say when you told him to get out.Not full-blown drag, just a teddy, fishnets, and some heels. I just want him to parade around a bit, and just for me.I’ve had the ovaries to bring this up only twice to men I’ve been with.